Change Your Mind – Change Your Life

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September 3rd, 2014 | No Comments »

How often have we tried to initiate change in our lives only to eventually relapse into our old behaviors?

We begin the latest diet.

We initiate a new exercise program.

We cut back on credit card spending.

 

We “just stop” engaging in the old behavior and “just start” engaging in the new.  And while we may kick off this behavioral transformation with great inspiration and energy, we don’t always have the motivation needed to maintain that initial drive over time.  Why?

Why do we tend to “just give up” on making changes we want or need?

“STOP AND THINK IT OVER!”

The “messages” we say to ourselves – that is, how we think about the people, places and things in our lives – can positively or negatively influence what we do.  For this reason, altering behavior alone may not be enough to attain and sustain change.  We may need to do more than simply change what we do. We may also need to change what or how we think.

 

Thoughts can be triggered by internal or external stimuli or “events”.  We can define an “internal” event as a “self-perception”; for example, we perceive ourselves as overweight and want to loose five pounds. Our “first thoughts” regarding this event may be,

 

“I’ll just go on a no fat, no meat, no sugar, low carb, low calorie diet.”

“I’ll join the gym and work out for 3 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

“I’ll start taking those ‘metabolism boosting’ supplements I heard about on TV.”

 

But maybe our “first thoughts” are set-ups for failure.  Maybe we need to stop and think again. The first part of making long-term changes in our behavior involves becoming consciously aware of any negative (unrealistic, unkind, illogical and/or unhelpful) messages or thoughts we hold onto.  These negative thoughts will powerfully influence what we do next.

 

“I can’t do this diet anymore.  I give up.  I’ll always be fat.”

“This exercise program is too hard.  I’m going to take a break for a few days.”

“Maybe I’ll take some more of those supplements.”

 

“THOUGHTS + FEELINGS = ACTION”

There is an interactive connection between what we think and how we feel.  Most of us feel discouraged by unrealistic, unkind, illogical and unhelpful thoughts, – whether they are thoughts that are expressed to us by others – or – simply thoughts that we say to ourselves.

 

If we hold onto negative thoughts we may begin to experience negative feelings.

If we hold onto negative feelings we may begin to experience negative thinking.

With negative feelings and negative thinking, we are more likely to regress back into negative behaviors.

 

But what if we had the ability to re-think our “first thoughts” and then enter into a more positive dialogue with ourselves?

 

“Is this a realistic and appropriate goal and plan for me right now?”

“Will it help me to succeed or set me up for failure?”

“Maybe I need to have a more general goal, – at least initially anyway.”

“Perhaps my plan needs to incorporate smaller, more achievable steps like “eating slightly smaller portions” or “walking for 30 minutes a day several times a week.”

 

Most of us feel encouraged by realistic, kind, logical and helpful thoughts.  These positive thoughts and feelings will likely motivate our continued efforts toward positive change.  They are set-ups for success.

 

“IT’S NOT THE EVENT…IT’S HOW WE THINK ABOUT THE EVENT.”

Sometimes thoughts are triggered by “external events”. For example,

 

We are driving to work, happily minding our own business.  All of a sudden, this guy speeds by and cuts us off.  We swerve in order not to get hit by his car.

 

Our “first thoughts” regarding this event may be,

 

“This guy is an idiot!”

“He cut me off on purpose!”

“He can’t do that to me!”

“I’ll just show him!”

 

With these “first thoughts”, we may feel unsafe, angry, threatened.

 

With such  thoughts and feelings, we may be likely to react in an unrealistic, unkind, illogical and/or unhelpful way.

 

We may chase the guy down,

flip him off,

swear at him,

…or even worse.

 

The short-term payoff to this negative behavior is that we may get some temporary release from our (probably pent-up and typically unrelated) anger or resentment.  But maybe we need to stop and ask ourselves,

 

“In the long term, is that payoff worth the cost?”

 

What if, in those first few moments of escalation, we had a conscious awareness of our thoughts and feelings?  What if we were able to stop and think BEFOREacting on them? What if we were able to “respond” deliberately to this event, rather than to “react” impulsively to it?

 

“Is my demonstration of anger toward this total stranger worth my possible injury, incarceration, hospitalization, death?”

“Is the payoff worth the cost?”

 

If the answer is, “No,” then we may choose to take alternate steps toward more realistic, kind, logical and helpful thinking. For example,

 

“Wow that was definitely a close call.”

“I guess that guy didn’t see me.”

“He’s really in a hurry.”

“I think I’m just going to stay out of his way.”

 

We may still feel surprised, scared, worried, and cautious.

 

But with these more positive thoughts and feelings, we are likely to respond to the event in a more positive way.

 

We choose to carefully move away from the guy and continue on our way.

 

“POSITVE AND NEGATIVE ARE DIRECTIONS.  WHICH DIRECTION DO YOU CHOOSE?”

Triggering events – whether internal or external – will undoubtedly happen to us throughout our lives.  While we do not have the power to control these events, – we do have the power to learn to control ourselves, – if we choose to.  We are not a victim of our “first” thoughts and feelings.  We have the capacity to choose what we do next.

 

We can choose to stop and think before acting.

Or we can choose to react without thinking.

 

We can choose to scale down our sadness, anger, fear BEFORE we DO something.

Or we can choose to act out these feelings.

 

IS THERE A NEW DIRECTION YOU’D LIKE TO TAKE IN YOUR LIFE?

WHAT DIRECTION DO YOU CHOOSE?

 

Categorized under: Making Changes